After three relapses I finally said no more, in one afternoon I almost lost everything and everyone I hold dear to me. It is the 26th June 2013 I am drinking again, I am going though post partum depression and suffering extreme psychosis. I feel alone though I am not, I am a new mum I should’ve been concerned with my child not the glass of wine that was in my hand…I feel guilty, I still do…I felt alone.
I woke on the 27th June 2013, shaking and craving. I NEED a drink, get me out of here but I cant go anywhere, I cant see! I realise quickly I am not at home, I don’t have my glasses on my bedside table I cant feel the comfort of my mattress instead I am greeted by a cold slab beneath me…am I dead? I feel like death though I am not, I am in a cell…what have I done!
Two and a half years later I feel renewed, I am in recovery. I have a supportive husband and two beautiful boys who I really do adore. I still deal with anxiety and panic attacks and that can sometimes cause restrictions but I am getting there.
Its not easy to keep myself from relapsing, in fact its the hardest thing I will ever do but everyday gets that little bit easier, Christmas, Birthdays, Easter…you name it alcohol is involved. My very busy lifestyle helps with my recovery and I use exercise as a form of stress relief.
You can usually see me walking about Cardiff pushing my pram, attending most child friendly events, chilling in a coffee shop or having a browse in the charity shops (the bargains you can find!)
In my spare time I am now setting up a Facebook page and group to support parents in recovery living in Cardiff and surrounding areas. Please find me on Facebook, recovery mummy is here to help stamp out stigma and discrimination attached to recovering parents…”Be Proud not Stigmatised”