I am so close to my launch day of Recovery Mummy I feel I need to let everyone know a little more about me personally. I don’t want any of my group members to think that I just went to University learnt a bunch of stuff and then felt like dictating to people about how to enjoy life and live free of addiction or other mental health problems.
At 15 years old I developed anorexia nervosa, I think my parents divorcing, moving home a lot and then suffering with anxiety issues took its toll on me and I learnt very quickly that if I couldn’t control what was going on around me then I at least could control my weight.
I suffered with eating disorders for around 8 years and at the very end would make myself sick to the point where I was bringing up blood and I weighed barley 7st at 23 years old.
At 15 I also started to drink. When I drank i lost my hunger pangs and soon found that drinking liquid was stopping me from eating, another thing i found was that the drink also stopped me from having panic attacks and i could at long last have the courage to make friends.
By the age of 17 I had started to drink heavy daily, I would wake have one cup of tea and then survive the rest of the day on wine, martini and cider and blacks. Pay day I would find myself in the pub and easily spend all my wages buying rounds of drinks for anyone I knew as I knew come tomorrow and the rest of the week they would provide my alcohol. I also dabbled in other substances around this age, although drinking in work finally got me fired.
At 23 i had my first emergency detox. I made a bet with someone that I could go a whole day without a drink…such a silly mistake. I got through the day shaking, sweating I was sooo thirsty and I felt really weak. I started to experience panic attacks and decided it was time for bed I was feeling so ill and my balance was everywhere.
By that evening my body had gone into shock, I couldn’t walk, my fingers and sort of seized up and I couldn’t feel my face. I tried to phone an ambulance but my fingers couldn’t dial the number and I then lost the ability to move my lips to talk. My now husband was there and he quickly called emergency services.
When the paramedics arrived they asked what had I taken then my partner said nothing she hasn’t even had a drink today. The paramedic asked about the amount of alcohol i usually drink and how long for and when he found out he said… silly girl, she needs medical attention fast.
I don’t remember much of that night, my husband was told that I could possibly go into to cardiac arrest as my potassium levels were so low the doctor was surprised I was even alive.
I woke the next morning and for the first time in a long time i could actually see…that sounds crazy but its the truth…things were clear.
I remained in hospital for around a week I was on a detox drip to flush out my body for 48 hours and then a potassium drip for 4 days. I had to take potassium every day for around a month at home. I also found out that my liver had signs of damage and if I stopped the drinking my liver in time would repair.
This was the first step into admitting to everyone that I was an alcoholic.
From then on I’ve had 2 relapses but they were quite short lived and I will be writing about them in the future.
So as you can see, I know how it feels to live with addiction. It gets easier and with support everything is possible, if I can do it surely others can.
Recovery Mummy is here to help those who want help. I don’t talk about addiction at my play groups but I think it is important to know your not alone there are others who have walked the same walk you have.
I will be going into more detail about mental health and eating disorders in the future so please feel free to follow my blog or like my page.
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